Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
