Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
