im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sober January is a disaster.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
