Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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