There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
