He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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