The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
