So many bounce houses so little time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
