if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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