you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
