ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
