Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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