We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize