she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
