batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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