I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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