What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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