rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
