theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
