how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
