I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
