The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize