I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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