tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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