dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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