Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
