i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
