There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
