dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
