Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
