dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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