Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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