Define "chronic" masturbator.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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