Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
