She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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