NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
