Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In America we eat man semen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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