Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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