she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize