Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
