idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
