There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
