Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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