I didn't shave. On purpose
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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