I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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