he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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