Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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