Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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