I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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