its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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