I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
