i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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