Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize