I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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