just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
