you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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