i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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