So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can't special order awesome
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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