i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
