I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
