I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
