Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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